Sometimes

   Sometimes I really wonder just who I am! Who is this guy I see and hear every day? What is he truly all about? I periodically go through this self~examination
every other month or so, it seems. What brings me to those questions is usually
a rough week of discouragement and anxiety, brought on by family~situations and difficulties.

  I am a `fixer`, a guy who wants to repair whatever is broken! The only
problem with that is, I often don't know how to go about fixing the problem.
I'm very good at letting people know how I feel about a particular problem,
like disrespect from the kids or a bad situation at work, but as to how we
go about repairing what has been damaged, I usually am clueless!

  This is where I have to give my wife a truck~load of credit and props! She
is a true `fixer`! She comes from a totally different direction than me. With
poised response, she sizes up the problem, prays and, with a good amount of
wisdom, makes a recommendation! It usually works.

  I am on the opposite end of the spectrum, without a doubt! My first reaction
(there's my first mistake) is normally one of anger and anxiousness at what
is wrong. I try to keep everything under one, giant umbrella. That includes
my family, my marriage and my self~image. If anything is `off kilter` in one
of these, then the other areas are effected! That's from my point of view, any
way.

  My wife has told me on many occasions that the way I respond (not react) to
the problem is the impression I give to everyone around me. I can be upset
by the situation and take it seriously, but I don't need to "blow up" about it.
Honestly, I think people from miles away could hear me when I'm upset and
talking loud (I don't yell) and making known how I feel about it. Whew!

  So this is party why I am a man that examines his motives for any given
situation. I analyze each and every angle and possibility and often end up
with a really bad headache, along with giving one to my wife. Not a good
thing!

  I need to get to a place of refuge. A quiet and calm area of my personality
that is comprised of the best gifts that God gives to each believer in his son,
Jesus Christ. Kindness, compassion, wisdom and empathy! These are all
gifts of the holy Spirit and are meant to be the guiding person in our
lived. We make things too hard (listening Jeff?).

   It's my hope and prayer that a breakthrough is on the way and in the
very near future the change will be quite evident in me.


Jeff Pendleton

7/22/16