Self~counseling

  As I talked about in the last blog I have been enjoying the counseling sessions each week with Jessica Moore. This lady knows how to do what she went to college for. When I walk into her office she immediately gives off this calming demeanor that would relax even the Incredible Hulk! She asks lots of questions and puts me to thinking about several different life~scenarios. I will just go ahead and admit that I am being helped!  In the beginning, when my wife pretty much gave me no alternative, I resisted the counseling. Didn't think I needed it just for anger management but it has turned out well and I am just trying to convey that gratitude.

She is leading me to different levels of self~control and taking great care in my tone ~of~voice and thinking before speaking. My mouth, like most men, normally runs way ahead of my brain even though they supposedly work together. Being a type of "quick~draw McGraw" I am quick to unload my position on just about any subject, but most often my passionate replies are geared toward subjects that are important to my way of life. The things we stand for and the causes that effect us are those that drive our conviction and passion!

As I go through this counseling, both with Jessica and myself, I am pulling back some curtains which covered areas of my soul that were darkened, the majority of which were self~inflicted! I am free spiritually by the work of Christ but emotionally and physcologicly I have lived with doubts and fears which have been the detour~signs that have caused me to veer away from my appointed destination. I firmly believe that each of us have certain paths to walk on and purposes and plans which have been designed for us by God himself and it's up to us to look for the direction~signs or we become lost.

Finding out about one's self can be somewhat scary and, at the same time, it can be a fun and enlightening journey. I happen to be one who needs lots of validation! From my family to those I have worked for and with. Needless to say, the majority of the validation has come from family~members and good friends throughout my entire life. I love to reciprocate right back to them with as much encouragement as I can possibly give. A motto to follow for all of us is..."pay it forward"! After all, that's only fair, right?

Writing plays a major role in therapy for me and also being able to show someone, whether friend or stranger, that we care and are here to just basically listen to them and what's going on in their world. We all want to know that somebody really cares about us and when that validation comes, it can change a life forever! For adults, teens or children, encouraging words can go a long way in helping that person find the path they were meant to walk along.


Jeff pendleton
10/31/16

Good Counseling

  This is one subject that I honestly never thought I would write on from my own personal experience. However, the sound advice and wise council from my therapist, Jessica, has been invaluable! She is simply terrific at what she does! She is very approachable and kind in her methods. Honesty and an ability to encourage me to become the `true` version of myself are two traits that I am met with at each session. She's an attractive and sweet~tempered woman as well. Which is a good thing if one is a physiologist!

  For over thirty years I have battle with anger issues! They have been more akin to rage, at times! Simple anger doesn't seem to apply in my case. I have never been certain of why this is the case. You could easily envision Dr. Bruce Banner becoming the Hulk when witnessing some of my more expressive flashes of the anger. We are currently dealing with that and self~image issues each week. It appears that we have made some major headway in both areas! I am happy when it's time for another session with her, mostly because I want this to be redacted, removed from my personality. Anger is not the real persona I have!

  With that being said I have "homework" to do from here on out and journaling will play a big part in my treatment and diagnosis. It's been a long road getting from the guy filled with anger and a poor self~image to a kinder, gentler sort of man who wants to encourage those around me. That's what God wants each of us to do and I plan on taking it slow and moment by moment. It's actually fun being able to talk to a person of wisdom and have parts of my physique revealed. Some of it is also surprising in a very interesting way.

  So with that comes New challenges and I like being challenged in just about anything! The fruit of this new tree will be good and those whom I love and care for will be pleasantly surprised by it and happy for me, I am quite sure! I must give the LORD God all the credit and gratitude.


Jeff pendleton
10/21/16

Remembering The Fanzine Trekbeat

 I came across an issue (printed) of an older fan magazine in the Star Trek genre called, "Trekbeat", for which I was a contributing columnist. The issue is dated, 
Feburary of 1992 and is full of insightful and fun articles, news and photos, which
was the norm for fanzines of the era. I absolutely loved my time spent writing for Trekbeat and for the genuine people who ran the club!

  The article I wrote about was the last major film with the original cast from the
first Trek tv series. I had titled it..."Is this really the end?" and concentrated on the
film which was titled, "The Undiscovered Country". Captain Kirk and Dr.McCoy run
into some major problems with the Klingons and are accused of murder. Those of
you who haven't seen the film, rent it today and watch one of the better story~lines
in any Trek movie, in my humble opinion! For us who saw the film at it's release, 
it was an enjoyable "who dunnit" type of mystery in space.Of course, in the movie
that followed it, 1994`s Generations, saw William Shatner play a major role along
side Patrick Stewart to stop the twisted efforts of Dr.Soron from 're~creating
the Nexus, a dimensional paradise where one could live in bliss over and over
again. Sadly the end comes for Kirk after defeating Soron and Picard has the woeful
duty of burying a legend!

What I miss about this fanzine was the comrodere and the wonderful people who
worked tirelessly day and night to bring the fans a unique and informative club~
magazine in which they could participate themselves. There were contests, cartoons, 
subspace~messages, fans opinion page and lots of great artwork! It was a joy to
take part in. By the way, I forgot to give you the name of the fanzine, sorry, mental
lapse there. It was called, "Engage" and was headed up by a really cool lady by the
name of, Kimberly Pederson, who I can honestly say was a big help to me during
our short time together. Unfortunately, the magazine and fan~club lasted only a
few months through 1992 due to Kim and her husband both being in the military
and moved around quite a bit!

A good question to ask today is...would there ever be a desire among Trek fans to
see a printed version, apart from the official Stat Trek Magazine, that would involve
the fans in a big way? They could contribute in much the same way as we did back
in the day and it very likely would bring fans of the iconic series even closer to one
another. Personally, I would really enjoy having a weekly or monthly column to
contribute on such a project! I am certain that there would be ample participation
from fans across the globe and it could bring about newer ideas and even more
technology to the current facet of this empire!

With the latest Trek series set for the spring of 2017, one could speculate that for
New and old trekkers/trekkies alike the future is looking even more exciting and
with that excitement could come more and more creative story~lines for both
tv and major film projects together. From this writer's point of view, I would say
there are infinite possibilities, wouldn't you? Seems like I heard that from some
place before.

Live long and prosper folks


Jeff pendleton
10/16/16

True Strength pt.2

  The thought of strength can be many things to many people. For some it can come from having a great intellectual mind. These folks tend to look at every angle of a situation, tangle it around a bit and come to a sensible conclusion. They are `thinkers`! Others derive their strength from an inner attitude of not giving up on anything, ever! They make a strong statement for this when they become challenged in such a way that they must prove to the world that they do not quit on anything which includes relationships. A sense of pride accompanies their determined attitude!

Some people believe they are strongest when in a tough situation or atmosphere where they are unfamiliar their resolve to stay calm and poised is the moment where they are strongest! Being calm during an intense argument is an example of inner~strength which flows from the human spirit. It's all about an attitude and a decision! Women seem to do better at this than most men! Sorry guys, it's the truth!
Ask any woman who has given birth when their greatest moment of strength is and I am quite sure many of them would say during the delivery of their children.

Each of us have different kinds of strengths in several areas of our lives! We may not have even realized some of the areas just yet but a time will come when we will be tested in a particular area of challenge and the fruit we bare will be evident. It's part of the human~makeup! We are much stronger internally than any of us really know! The way God created the spirit in humanity is not so much a mystery as it is, to use a
metaphor, a readied and waiting soldier poised for the battle when called upon! A wise man is a truly strong man!

Whether it's physical, mental, emotional or spiritual, all of us can stand firm on the gift of strength we have been given. Each day may call for a certain type of strength from us in unexpected ways but no matter the kind of strength we possess we can become far stronger when we go through life's toughest times and challenges together!


Jeff pendleton
10/12/16

True Strength

  I have often thought of myself as a pretty strong guy, physically speaking, and have not shied away from opportunities to showcase that strength to family and friends. Rather proudly at times, I must shamefully admit. I am of the belief that God grants to us certain strength`s in areas where we lack that strength in other areas. An example would be a blind man, woman or child who, despite their loss in sight, have been giving the capacity to hear better than most or experience greater perception mentally than another person. Really, it's quite remarkable when you think about it!

With that being said, I have to say that physical strength does not make the man! You may be an outstanding body~builder with the look of Hulk Hogan or Lou Ferrigno but be without a friendly attitude and many people would shy away from you! Maybe your strength is in your knowledge of multiple subjects and languages but you don't possess a giving heart, then you are probably lacking in friends. Whatever area we are gifted in with strength we can not truly call ourselves a `real` man apart from the determination to persevere through hardship and difficulties! 

Recently I have learned this valuable lesson through one of the most difficult lessons of my entire life! A seperation from my wife has happened over this past summer mainly because of situations that I put our family through due to a lack of control and giving the impression, through a physical illness, that I have `given myself over` to that illness. That's a tough admission but it is simply the truth! Perhaps my wife had finally hit her breaking point recently and saw no other solution but to distance herself and our children from me. I was initially very upset that she made that choice and fought against it. That only drew her further away from me. Anger issues and anxiety attacks led to me depending on my wife to a greater degree! She had had enough after 16 years of going through that. I can't blame her.

With the seperation I have sought out counseling, on my wife's insistence, and I admit that the sessions have helped me a great deal. I still struggle each day with severe vertigo, which is the illness I mentioned, and periods of anxiety and deep depression. These conditions have been the result of a car accident many years ago where my head went through the car windshield and I did not go to the hospital afterwords to be checked out. Really stupid and stubborn! Since that incident at the age of 19 I have gradually worsened over the years. Being dizzy everyday is not a fun day at the park, believe me!

With that being said, I now believe that I am not able to call myself a true man in the sight of my family! Another very tough admission here! I have to be honest and just express what happens to be the way I see myself at this point. It's a discouraging and hard thing to deal with, especially for one who is p passionate about many things and yet depends so much on the weaker~vessel, my wife. She is not equipped to carry the load of her family on her own shoulders and I realize that, in several areas, that's exactly what has taken place over the years. She already has 4 children and doesn't need or want a fifth!, She has looked for real strength from me. The strength to go through tough times and put the family squarely on my shoulders where they are meant to be! God ordained the family in this fashion.

So what do I do to keep my family, transform my thinking and endure the hardships that we all go through? Endurance is the answer! When a man endures tough times and keeps his family's heads above water, he becomes their hero! That's what my wife has looked for in me but rarely seen. I realize that there have been moments where I was able to display that enduring strength but, sadly, not very often. It is my sincere belief, after learning much from my older sister, that all women want a man who shows the strength necessary to provide, protect and encourage them and their children. That's the main focus for women who really care about a guy's character rather than how he makes her feel in the bedroom, or any other room, for that matter!

The task ahead is formidable but I happen to like challenges and, from past experience, I seem to excellence in most challenges, with God's helping hand of course, and this particular challenge is no different. It's just greater in scope and magnitude! The time to "step up" and become the leader and `real` man that I was created to be is right now. Today!

By the grace of Almighty God it is a done deal!


Jeff Pendleton
10/8/16