True Strength

  I have often thought of myself as a pretty strong guy, physically speaking, and have not shied away from opportunities to showcase that strength to family and friends. Rather proudly at times, I must shamefully admit. I am of the belief that God grants to us certain strength`s in areas where we lack that strength in other areas. An example would be a blind man, woman or child who, despite their loss in sight, have been giving the capacity to hear better than most or experience greater perception mentally than another person. Really, it's quite remarkable when you think about it!

With that being said, I have to say that physical strength does not make the man! You may be an outstanding body~builder with the look of Hulk Hogan or Lou Ferrigno but be without a friendly attitude and many people would shy away from you! Maybe your strength is in your knowledge of multiple subjects and languages but you don't possess a giving heart, then you are probably lacking in friends. Whatever area we are gifted in with strength we can not truly call ourselves a `real` man apart from the determination to persevere through hardship and difficulties! 

Recently I have learned this valuable lesson through one of the most difficult lessons of my entire life! A seperation from my wife has happened over this past summer mainly because of situations that I put our family through due to a lack of control and giving the impression, through a physical illness, that I have `given myself over` to that illness. That's a tough admission but it is simply the truth! Perhaps my wife had finally hit her breaking point recently and saw no other solution but to distance herself and our children from me. I was initially very upset that she made that choice and fought against it. That only drew her further away from me. Anger issues and anxiety attacks led to me depending on my wife to a greater degree! She had had enough after 16 years of going through that. I can't blame her.

With the seperation I have sought out counseling, on my wife's insistence, and I admit that the sessions have helped me a great deal. I still struggle each day with severe vertigo, which is the illness I mentioned, and periods of anxiety and deep depression. These conditions have been the result of a car accident many years ago where my head went through the car windshield and I did not go to the hospital afterwords to be checked out. Really stupid and stubborn! Since that incident at the age of 19 I have gradually worsened over the years. Being dizzy everyday is not a fun day at the park, believe me!

With that being said, I now believe that I am not able to call myself a true man in the sight of my family! Another very tough admission here! I have to be honest and just express what happens to be the way I see myself at this point. It's a discouraging and hard thing to deal with, especially for one who is p passionate about many things and yet depends so much on the weaker~vessel, my wife. She is not equipped to carry the load of her family on her own shoulders and I realize that, in several areas, that's exactly what has taken place over the years. She already has 4 children and doesn't need or want a fifth!, She has looked for real strength from me. The strength to go through tough times and put the family squarely on my shoulders where they are meant to be! God ordained the family in this fashion.

So what do I do to keep my family, transform my thinking and endure the hardships that we all go through? Endurance is the answer! When a man endures tough times and keeps his family's heads above water, he becomes their hero! That's what my wife has looked for in me but rarely seen. I realize that there have been moments where I was able to display that enduring strength but, sadly, not very often. It is my sincere belief, after learning much from my older sister, that all women want a man who shows the strength necessary to provide, protect and encourage them and their children. That's the main focus for women who really care about a guy's character rather than how he makes her feel in the bedroom, or any other room, for that matter!

The task ahead is formidable but I happen to like challenges and, from past experience, I seem to excellence in most challenges, with God's helping hand of course, and this particular challenge is no different. It's just greater in scope and magnitude! The time to "step up" and become the leader and `real` man that I was created to be is right now. Today!

By the grace of Almighty God it is a done deal!


Jeff Pendleton
10/8/16